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Page Last Modified: Sept 7, 2011

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Hillbilly Farms Satellite Barns

Ocala, FL - I'm a bona fide hillbilly, with roots in Putnam County, TN but now reside in Ocala, FL, the self-proclaimed 'Horse Capital of the World!'. As you can see from the photos below, I have never taken advantage of any of the amazing clinics offered in the area for competitive riders and professionals.

At my nanofarm, "Walk on Aire Dales" I specialize in trying to jump horses that weren't bred to jump, in particular walking horses. Our poster child is a Tennessee Walking Horse who couldn't manage the running walk very well. Unfortunately she also had a very difficult time trotting and cantering. Each of her hooves seemed to be pointing in a different direction; you might say we developed our own 'Sacred Four Directions' style of riding.

I decided to take her for lessons with an event/jump trainer (and I had to haul a LOT of manure in exchange for the privelege of lessons. At the time I felt this served as a demonstration of my earnestness. Now, though, I wonder if it wasn't somehow.... metaphorical.) The trainer would caution me each time we went through a line of jumps "PLEASE! Pretend you are on quaaludes!" Here we demonstrate what we have learned by jumping both the jump and the placer rail all in one go:

long jump

And if the long jump doesn't work out maybe we'll try the high jump:

high jump

Maineville, OH - Here at B&B Stables we pride ourselves on our beautiful Saddlebreds. They are accomplished in many disciplines, including but not limited to: opening gates, chasing the ponies, chasing the cats, chasing the dogs, blanket removal, hair removal, skin removal, and rider removal. Also, one has excelled at Park Pleasure and Driving as recently as 10 years ago. We are more interested in representing you on the trail, as we see no one has done that yet. We would do our best to make you proud. As you can see, our horses are well-travelled, having seen everything from the open trail to the inside of the local bar. We are a friendly, fun-loving bunch that does not discriminate against breed, discipline or color.

outdoor trail indoor trail

We have state of the art equipment and would be more than happy to advertise your barn on it. We could even customize Pooh the Beer Dog's backpack with your logo if you like.

horse with beer holder dog beer holder

Sometimes we tend to party a little too hard, but we will try to not let our drunken debauchery be an embarassment to your fine establishment.

drunken debauchery I drunken debauchery II

OK, we lied. We won't try.

Disclaimer: No horses have ever been harmed by our stupidity. We always take care of the horses before the idiocy starts, and keep a couple of token sober people around in case of emergency.

Rolling Hills, CA - We here at the HAHA Riding Club love the work you do at Hillbilly Farms! We would like to become a Hillbilly Farms satellite barn. We ourselves strive against perfection on a daily basis and understand what a daunting task it is (see photos below). Our barn is an extremely legitimate barn (we have jackets and everything).

We hope that each time one of our horses stops and spins four strides out from a five stride line right in front of the judge (in a 2 foot class nonetheless), each time one of our riders chips into and gets left behind out of an in-and-out, each time one of our pony's fake tails falls out as he canters down the judge's line, or each time we flatten out in a jump off and end up with 16 faults, we will represent Hillbilly Farms (and the HAHA Riding Club) with the utmost dignity and honor. And when we go off course and the announcer says "Thank you, Rider" twice before we get the hint, we will walk out of that arena (provided our horse will actually 'walk') with our heads held high. Then we will have a beer at whatever bar is on the showgrounds, or, as is more often the case, from the mini fridge that travels with us to shows (and, come to think of it, is kept well stocked at home, too) and we will live to ride another day and continue our battle against perfection.

historical equitation I'm not off yet english rodeo

If you would like to open a Hillbilly Farms Satellite Barn, please send us an email detailing your accomplishments and include photos, if possible. If you have previously emailed us a request to open a satellite barn, please resend. Many of the emails we receive get lost in a sea of offers for personal enhancement products, lucrative business opportunities, and emails from the humor-impaired.

Satellite Barn Archive