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Page Last Modified: Sept 7, 2011

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Our Horses

That Saucy Minx

You Saucy Minx (aka Shelby) -- This hot-headed chestnut mare has finally been sold. But instead of losing a horse, we gained a Hillbilly. Let's extend a warm, hillbilly welcome to Shelby's new owner and pass her some sadl-tite.


Coastal Sand (aka Dexter, Naughty Little Angel) -- This phlegmatic pony has practically been disowned by his breed society due to his color, but off-color horses are always welcome at Hillbilly Farms. Dexter sometimes squeals when he jumps, which makes him a favorite with non-horsey spectators. Dexter's motto: No matter how close you are to the jump, there is ALWAYS room to add one more stride.


Neetly Done (aka Boots, Boo-Boo) -- This winning racehorse is also a talented and bold jumper as long as he gets a chance to look at the jumps before it is time for his round. He has recently won many championships thanks to generous hunter/jumper rules that allow schooling before the competition.


Jiggeragin (aka Jigger, Jigglymonster) -- Horseshow announcers often mispronounce his registered name as Jigger Again, as in, "And in last place...Jigger, again." Formerly a winning racehorse, Jigger is also quite a ladies man. Jigger's motto: Why jump with style when you can jump with power.


Gunner (aka Goddamnit Gunner) -- Gunner is a destroyer of backs and bones. He came to us with stories of his easy-going temperament, second level dressage ability, and 3'6" course jumping prowess. His actual skills include digging holes and walking around the arena on his hind legs. Gunner can often be seen waiting impatiently in his customized horse trailer at the local emergency room.


Orion (aka Our Imaginary Grand Prix Horse) -- In his former life he was supposedly a Grand Prix jumper who was owned by a porn star. Then he was bought at a Pennsylvania western horse auction and shipped across the country to begin his new life with Hillbilly Farms. He is currently shod with platform shoes and loves to go to raves with Jigger.

Where did my testicles go?

Coastal Rupert MacDaire (aka Rupert, Captain Uncooperative) -- Half-brother to our infamous Dexter, this new pony has a lot to live up to. His first act upon joining Hillbilly Farms was to donate some of his long, thick mane and tail to the Hair Club for Appaloosas. And Rupert is now a money winning horse (total prize money won: $3).


Spot (aka International Man of Mystery) -- Out of a fancy, well-bred warmblood mare by an unknown (but apparently spotted) stallion, this sweet horse was also eventually disowned by his dam, who refused to put her name on his Pinto registration papers. He has teeth like Austin Powers and the courage of a chicken. Spot's motto: You go first.


Coastal Peter Rabbit (aka The Infamous Peter Rabbit, Peter the Plastic Surgeon) -- A big overgrown pony, Peter is the newest addition to our herd. He can take beginners for trail rides in hurricane like conditions and he loves to spook at fungi.


Play It Again Sam (aka Sam, Sammy Doll, Samantha) -- A lifelong city dweller with sophisticated tastes, this urbane horse has recently moved to the country. He is learning to adjust to country living and confronting his pathological fear of cows.


Felix Ziyadah (aka Zye, Knucklehead) -- Zye is a retired cross rail show hunter. His name means "lucky and fast" and during his days on the circuit that is exactly what he was. With a little luck he would make it around the course and whether over fences or under saddle he was always the fastest horse in the hunter ring.

The Little Witch

The Little Witch (aka Sparkle, The Little @#%!$) -- Standing only 12.1 hands, when this pony was alive she could hang with the big boys. She hated dressage, but excelled at jumping, bucking, and keeping her rider humble...the kind of pony every kid should learn to ride on.


Silky (aka Brego, Spidey, the Silky Pony) -- Bred in Korea, this fancy import is very quixotic. Preferring to perform unencumbered by tack and rider, Silky excels at surfing the web and watching "24".