Frequently Asked Questions

Below we answer actual emails from people who read our website (some of them obviously didn't read it very closely). Due to the excessive spelling, grammar, and punctuation errors, we chose not to [sic] any of the errors. Rest assured, the questions below are quoted verbatim. Everyone please turn off the random punctuation generators in your email software.

Q: I have a question, is hillbilly farms for real? do you really, acually go to shows just to suck? seriously, do you have students? i mean who wants to ride at a barn that puts you in danger & your horse. your "jumping clinics" & archives or what not, the stuff you write, is it serious or just making fun of real trainers & what they would say? I'm curious. but i have to say some things i read on your website made me laugh my head off!!!

A: Yes, we are for real. Isn't everything on the internet real? All of us Hillbillies are actually world-class riders, but we intentionally ride badly so that we can have more fodder for the website.

Q: I am interested in finding a facility to start my 3 year old KWPN stallion over jumps. I have jumped previously and have been involved with dressage for the past 11 years. What kind of training is offered, prices and trainers?

A: We offer whatever kind of training you're looking for. You will find our rates are extremely competitive and our trainers have read books written by all the top trainers.

Q: We are two students of IT at Silesian University of Technology in Poland. We are looking for work in July, August and September this year. We are not qualified workers but we study in English, so kind of work isn't so important for us as possibility of earning some money and using English in real life. We are both communicative, ambitious and flexible males, both 21 yers old, so we could adapt to many kinds of tasks. It is very important for us to find a job so please contact us if there is any possibility of employment.

A: We generally do not have any job openings, but for two flexible and willing young Polish men, we might be able to find a position or two, especially if you are unqualified.

Q: hey, just wanted to send you a picture of me and my horse for criteque. These photos are our first time jumping together, hence theres nothing for here to really jump. Just wondering who criteques them.. is it George Morris? The tips were really good!

A: The photos are critiqued by George Morris himself. Be sure to check out his new column, 'George Morris proofreads your email'.

I am writing to complete essay that we must do. I would like to have one of the riders (or more) to help answer my questions in order to complete the essay. [10 boring questions deleted by editor].
Q: Did you every strive for perfection as much as you do now? If so, why do you think that happened?

A: We have always striven for perfection as much as we do now. It is just a habit we developed.
Q: When did you notice a change in riding between back then and now?
A: We noticed a change in riding between back then and now sometime between now and then.
Perhaps when you finish your essay, you should send it in to the new column, 'George Morris proofreads your email'. Note that this column is not 'George Morris writes your essays for you'.

Q: What would George Morris do?

A: Probably file a lawsuit and then clean his tack and polish his boots.

Q: Please permit me to introduce myself, I am Maxwell Carter, head of Mortgage department, Northern Bank Limited, Douglas Branch, Donegall Square West, Belfast. BT1 6JS. Northern Ireland. Am introducing you into a project which would need funds to execute and I have made a a feasibility study on how much we need to carryout this project, I found out that it will cost about $35,000.00 U.S Dollars. Only recently I discovered that one account belonging to Ms. Fiona Watts now DECEASED has remained dormant for the past two years, after intensive investigations, I found out that Late Ms. Fiona Watts died in a hastly auto accident in June, 2002. At this point I am contacting you concerning a business acquaintance that will necessitates you to act as a new beneficiary cum next of kin to the said dormant account as I hope to give you more technical details on how i think we should transfer the funds into your nominated offshore/residence account. Please I need you to help me with your personal details such as Full names, home/office address, phone and fax numbers respectively.

A: Wow, this sounds too good to be true! The money and all of our personal information (including bank account numbers) are on the way.

Q: NIce sight, good critiques.. I only have one question on what you said, and it's more curious than anything. You said: "If she were riding in the hunter ring, rather than the jumper ring, I would want to see the rider on a bay thoroughbred, not an appaloosa." Why? I don't particularly like apps either, (okay they are hideous) and a bay is my favorite coloring, but on a site with so much good value (and humor), why compromise it with what is purley opinion. I have a hard time thinking someone with as much knowledge as you clearly have is biased only something as trivial as color. Anyway.. just wondering. Not attacking you or anything. Keep up the good work, people can learn a lot from sights like this.

A: If you ride a bay horse you have a better chance of winning because the judge is more likely to confuse your horse with the nice, well-behaved bay horse that put in a perfect round.

Q: I was just looking through your archived photos from a Jumping Clinic you had. On the third photo you analyzed, it says a comment about the horse's mane: "But he is very much in need of a haircut, as mohawks are not acceptable." The horse she is riding is a Norwegian Fjord. According to the website that states the breed's standards, "One of the breed's 'trademarks' is the upright mane, which compliments the horse's frame and structure well."

A: We know that horses love getting compliments from mohawks, but that doesn't mean mohawks should be allowed in the hunter ring.

Q: I would like to begin by way of introduction, My name is Wolex Fadeyan, a native of Nigeria. I am the Owner of FADE IMAGES INTERNATIONAL LIMITED. I got your contact through my personal search for someone Honest and Trustworthy to transact business with, and I will like to buy some of your products.

A: We knew Hillbilly Farms was popular worldwide, but we had no idea we had such a large following in Nigeria. Just from your email we can tell that you are Honest and Trustworthy, and not Crooked and Unscrupulous, so we look forward to doing business with you.

Q: Your email has won a total Cash Prize Of five hundred and six thousand,two hundred and eighty nine pounds sterling and a consolation prize of Dell pentium 4 laptop, T-shirt and face cap. Contact our claims office on;

A: Because winning 506,289 pounds isn't enough, we also get these great consolation prizes. A face cap will really come in handy next time we have to sneak out of the arena after going off course...again.

Q: How can I become a sponsor of the world famous Hillbilly Farms?

A: Okay, so no one has actually asked this, but we know people want to know. To join Old Country Buffet, Sadl-tite, Corona beer, and Australian Canned Wine, as sponsors of Hillbilly Farms you just need to send money (we're not picky).